So yesterday, on Dr. Phil they had a story on international adoptions and of course picked a few families that were having severe issues with their adopted children. These families had adopted kids that turned out had autism, were deaf, had reactive attachment disorder, violent rages, etc...
Of course, that made me (Randy) nervous, but we are still hopeful. We realize that these kids will have some issues and are hoping for the best possible outcome. There are thousands of adoptions that have taken place before us that have worked out well. Just makes your brain swirl of all of the possible outcomes. Its good to have a community of folks going through the same thoughts and concerns that we have. Hope everything works out well for everyone....
4 comments:
I watched the Dr. P show. Although I am not in the process of adopting - internationally or otherwise, I felt like he kind of poo-poo'd the fact that there are children who are adopted and need services. Yet, uh, illegal aliens get every kind of service that is available. Yet, many of the families who spend all their savings, etc. to adopt a child, then they can't either afford or find help when they need it. Personally, I think the countries where these children come from should be providing more intervention, how about some responsive care, etc. to provide children with the help they need BEFORE they get adopted. I hope that your situation ends up great! I read alot of adoptive blogs and work with children who have special needs.
Randy:
We had the same feelings and concerns. I went with the same theory as you did. In the end, a very high percentage turn out the way we want it to. So statistically speaking we will all be fine. I always added to that, with my gene pool, there was probably the same chance something went wrong with a biological child. In the end, I guess we just went with the "what's going to happen, will happen" theory. You guys will be fine because you will get your little girl the help she will need, if she even needs it.
Craig
You know the media always talk about the bad cases, but less face it I think when we adopt we take the same risk as having our biological child. You do not know how healthy he/she will be or the future outcome and as you know there are so many cases where the child is unhealthy regarless the mother took all the precaution during a pregnancy. Follow your instinct.
Stella.
I didn't see the Dr. Phil show but I would encourage you to check out www.a4everfamily.org and read about attachment disorder there. I adopted a little girl with my DH from China in 2005 - out of the 13 families we got the RADish, if you will, who probably has some autism spectrum problems on top of it. The adoption agency did NOT prepare us for what to deal with - we were inadequately educated and prepared to deal with it. Check out the work of Nancy Thomas, Bryan Post, Heather Forbes and others on this subject. Also please obtain Daniel Hughes books on the subject. Your child might be 'ok' in spite of what they have gone through, but AD can manifest in different ways - Debbie Gray's book Attaching in Adoption pretty accurately describes all the ways it can manifest - and our daughter was oppositional/defiant/angry/raging maniac from about 15 months and she's going on 6 now. The only therapy that has really truly helped her has been neurological reorganization/Temple Fay/Glenn Doman crawling/creeping stuff that was initially developed at the institutes in Philadelphia - www.iahp.org. There are a few places on a west coast that do this kind of work and we've worked with two different practitioners. You need to have your resources and information straight and ready in case your child does need this. My husband and I were blindsided and while my daughter is much healthier now because of ALL the therapy and stuff we've done she still is not functioning where a 'normal' child is and perhaps may never. I don't know. I worry about her ability to function/hold a job/follow directions in school/life/etc. Sometimes in my blackest/darkest days with her I could only see institutionalization or residential treatment for her. Best wishes to you.
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